I’ve been decluttering my home and purging things lately.  Whether you call it Marie Kondo-ing your home, taking a minimalistic approach, or just plain old getting rid of junk, it’s what I’ve been doing.  But in the process, I’ve had some very crucial conversations with my inner critic.  Here are four “buts” my inner critic told me about purging and how I responded to the conversation.

But, It's too big of a job; you’ll never finish!

It’s taken me a long time to get started on my purge. My husband and I have been together for a LONG time, and we’ve lived in our house for almost 30 years.  There’s a quote I’ve heard in the past that says adults spend the first 20 years acquiring “stuff,” the next 20 trying to figure out where to store it, and the next 20 getting rid of it. 

What did my inner critic say?

My inner critic told me, “It's such a big job.  It’ll take you forever, and you’ll start and never finish it.  Then you’ll just have stuff laying all over the house, and it’ll be a huge mess.”.

My inner critic isn’t wrong here.  I’m typically an all-or-nothing thinker.  I don’t do things halfway.  Either I’m working out for an hour or not at all.  I either did an amazing job on something, or it was the worst job ever.  It’s something I’m working on.

How did I respond?

I told my inner critic she was right; it is a big job, and in the PAST, I would have started and had a mess on my hands.  But now I know to start with one thing at a time.  Start with a desk drawer and just do one!  Then tomorrow, another.  Some days I do an entire cabinet.  This weekend, and the entire closet.  But I didn’t feel the need to clean EVERY SINGLE CLOSET because I’m taking a one-at-a-time approach.  

But you got that from Aunt Marie!

Okay, can we talk about emotional attachments for a moment?  I started to go through a box of memorabilia the other day and what started as “do I keep it or purge it” turned into a trip down memory lane, followed by remembering where I got the item and the story of the person who gave it to me and my inner critic teaming up with my guilt voice. YIKES!

What did my inner critic say?

My inner critic was scolding me for even considering getting rid of something that someone else gave me.  Then she scolded me for getting sidetracked.  Hey, inner critic, you’re the one who started me down that path!  Almost everything I looked at reminded me of someone or something.

How did I respond?

It IS hard when there’s an emotional attachment, but as I told a dear friend when I was helping her purge, the memories are in your heart and your head, not in the thing in front of you.  I thanked my inner critic for reminding me of the connection the item had, took a picture of it, and put it in the donate pile for someone else to enjoy.

But you spent all that money!

My inner critic loves to tell me not to spend money.  It’s another time she teams up with the guilt voice and reminds me what I spent on something and why getting rid of it is a waste of money. 

What did my inner critic say?

She loves to tell me, “You spend hundreds of dollars on that dish set. It doesn’t matter that it’s chipped and missed three cups.  What matters is that you invested all that money.”  I never said she was rational! 

How did I respond?

In business, this is referred to as a sunk cost.  Sunk costs are costs that have already been incurred by past actions and cannot be recovered.  It doesn’t matter if you keep or donate the item; you’re not getting the money back.  You may as well get rid of it at this point. 

But, it’s who you are!

This can be a difficult conversation for many of us.  It’s similar to the emotional connection but it’s deeper than that.  When I was in my 20s, I got a degree in photography.   I was going to be a photographer for National Geographic.  That was who I was and the life I had planned for myself. 

But then, I saw people who were far more talented than me working at the grocery store.  And my rent was due.  But I still had my 30-year-old camera, lenses, filters, and darkroom equipment that I hadn’t touched in years. 

What did my inner critic say?

My inner critic did a one-two gut punch on this one.  First, she reminded me how much money I had spent.  Then, she told me, “Are you giving up on your dream?  You’re a photographer!  You can’t get rid of all this.”.  OUCH!

How did I respond?

This one is so hard because it connects to our identity. (Check out my blog on identity here) But people change and who we were in our 20s isn’t who we are in our 30s, 40s, and beyond.  Instead, I told my inner critic that yes, I am a photographer and still take amazing photos, but now I take them with an iPhone in my hand. WHO I am didn’t change, but HOW I do it did.  And I reminder her that people change, often for the better.