Last week on the blog, I shared information about Imposter Syndrome and the Emerging Confidence Framework™.  You can read that article here.  This week I’ll take a deeper look at the first section of the framework, which is how you see yourself. 

When I first started coaching women on imposter syndrome, one of the areas that caused women to doubt themselves was how they see themselves.  It’s first and foremost about how you see or perceive yourself.  Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Is she confident?  Does she know what she’s capable of?  Does she recognize her own strengths?

There are three considerations when we reflect on how we see ourselves; identity, appearance, and comparison.

Identity

As we learn more about ourselves, we wonder who we really are and who we want to be.  We base who we are--our identity--on a couple of different lenses. Identity is about who you are, which is a question so many of us struggle with.  We define ourselves through multiple lenses, such as what we do, the roles we play, where we’re from, and what we bring, to name a few. 

• What you do refers to the job you have.  How do you earn your money?  We often introduce ourselves based on our job titles.  The challenge isn’t with what the job is but rather what happens when it changes, for example, when you retire or are laid off.  The identity you had as a “this is my role” has disappeared.    

• The roles we play are the multiple “hats” we wear in life.  Are you a mother?  A leader? A student? A daughter? We all have multiple roles in life, and often we define ourselves through them.  The key is to not focus on one to the exclusion of all others.

• Where we’re from refers to where we’re born, our nationality, or our ethnic background.  How do you identify yourself based on where you and your ancestors are from?  Cultural identity is strong and a major component of who we are.

• The final lens is what we bring, and this refers in part to your personality, skills, and talents.  Are you the party planner? Organizer? Do you know who to connect to who because you’re great at building relationships?  This all an aspect of your identity.

I wrote a two-part blog on this a while back, and you can catch it here. 

Appearance

Is the next piece of how we see ourselves, and this is what we literally see in the mirror.  It’s our physical appearance. 

Many of the women I coach base their worth on how they look.  We’re too heavy, too skinny, too short, too tall, have too many freckles, our teeth aren’t straight, and I could go on and on. 

Social media and the advertising world play a big part in this.  As I write this, it’s the first week of the new year, and television commercials are telling me about all the things I need to change about my appearance. 

Why do we let our appearance determine our worth when in reality it should be who we are as human beings? Do I need to lose weight to be healthier?  Yep?  Does it mean I’m not smart or kind or helpful? Nope! And the challenge goes even deeper when we view our appearance in comparison to others. 

Comparison

US President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  So then why do we do it?  Why do we compare ourselves to others? According to psychologist Pia Linden, “Humans are ‘social animals’ and our ancestors have always lived and survived in groups.  Comparing yourself to others serves as an orientation to see where we stand in a group and whether we need to take some action to improve our performance or position”.

It's only natural to compare ourselves, especially in the workforce, to see how we “stack up” and where we could make improvements.  It becomes challenging when we allow that comparison to prevent us from becoming who WE were meant to be. 

Think about how you see yourself through these considerations and where you might be able to do some work to boost your confidence. 

Next week we’ll dive into the second section of the framework, how you talk to yourself.